This is a question that has really been stuck in my head for quite a while now, and it only seems appropriate that I rant about it in October. I mean why don't these iconic horror villains like Jason or Freddy grow some facial hair? Usually the beard gives off the idea that the person with the beard is hiding something, not something under his beard, but hiding in the sense that he is a secretive person.
Lets first look at Jason. First of all, right off the bat we know he is hiding something. I mean he wears an effin mask. Now, is he hiding the fact that he looks like Sloth from The Goonies? I'm not sure about that, but regardless I think that a full beard would look great on him. I think that he could take off that mask (which I'm sure smells like crap since he's died in it like 5 times) and maybe even attract a lady. Don't go thinking that that idea is too far fetched...I mean Rocky (from Mask) got a girlfriend, granted she was blind, but he still got one! Also, keeping that clean smooth baby face has got to be hell. I mean he can't just walk into Osco and buy some Gillette Mach 3 Turbo razors. He probably has to scrape that machette across his face, leaving his face riddled with cuts from that. Should anything happen where the cops get on his trail (like always) then he could go and shave that sucker off and no one's the wiser. He could get away scott free...until those meddling kids and their dog come and hunt him down...again.
Now Freddy, he is not hiding anything. But he could really stand to change with the times. Sure he can change when it comes to setting up crazy dream sequences (Nightmare on Elm Street 3: The Dream Warriors) why can't he change his look. I say he should take after Howie Mandell. Freddy is funny, cracks a joke here and there, I think a nice hoop earring and a little soul patch would "hip" him up a little bit. Plus the resemblance to Howie would make for a double scare.
Michael Meyers is a different case completely. He is always wearing that William Shattner mask. I think he is already sprouting the Aragorn look...so he's good in my book. He doesn't even really need the facial hair too much, he isn't deformed or anything so he could totally pass as a normal guy, until he killed everyone he was hanging out with...but again that problem could be solved with a quick few swipes of the razor and getting rid of that stubble.
Such a simple solution rather than wearing those costly masks or going in for facial reconstruction surgery.
Next time...
Best and worst horror television shows
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
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2 comments:
Easy... Freddy is scarred too badly to grow hair from his face. The scar tissue from his romp in the furnace is like a leather purse. Hair can't penetrate that, besides the scarring was deep enough to kill the hair follicles.
Jason is a mongoloid who resides in a lake. The waterlogging effect on his skin prevents the growth of hair (or so I'm going to assume) plus the odd shape of his skull is riddled with, again, scar tissue, preventing a badass soulpatch. Plus I doubt his mom could grow facial hair in the original, unless shes one of those creepy ladied that are usually overweight checkout girls with long fake nails and a badly shaven 'stache.
Well you know I'm not a fan of facial hair on guys...evil or not, so I'm glad they keep it shaven and sexy for all their victims.
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