The aisles of Target are bursting with candy for the fast approaching holiday. This is perfect for me since I'm always on the hunt for new Halloween candy. I was not disappointed.
Yes, Chef Ghoulicious lives up to his ghoul-tastic name by packaging boogers for youngsters to eat. The "boogers" are varied in color, from dark green to the extra nasty yellow. They are also textured to have that booger look. These gummies are soft and gooey and they stick together like putty.
As for taste, they are sweet. Then again how could boogers not be sweet with flavors like "Snottermelon" "Sour Green Boogy" and "Lemon Loogy"? I'm not sure if boogers are sweet are not I"m not sure, though you may not believe it I do not eat boogers.
Good for a gag, but otherwise stick with something a little less slimy and something a little more canabalistic...Sour Patch Kids.
Just from looking at the cover of this film you know that it is going to be brutal...and it is. So brutal I actually found myself holding my hand up to my face with split fingers to skew my vision, while still wanting to watch every second.
The film follows Sarah, a pregnant woman who is still mourning the loss of her husband Matthieu who died four months earlier in a car crash where she was the only survivor. Now she is pregnant and alone, and to top it all off she's set to deliver on Christmas day. At home is is plagued by nightmares about her child and is startled awake by a knock at the door. Someone who knows her name and everything about here is outside wanting in.
A visit from the police puts her mind at ease as she lays in bed for the night. She wakes again because a woman shrouded in black stabs her in the bellybutton with a pair of scissors. Yeah, in the friggin bellybutton. Sarah slips into the bathroom, and the attacker wreaks havoc on Sarah and the visitors that show up at different times through the night.
Just how gruesome is this film?
Here's a taste....
There is an at home tracheotomy preformed with a knitting needle...and an at home c-section preformed with scissors.
This is an excellent French film that is very similar to the film "The Strangers"...which releases Tuesday on DVD.
It follows Clementine and her significant other Lucas who live in a remote mansion in Snagow. After a strange phone call before bed Clem is woken up by several strange noises outside and sees that her car has moved.
No electricity, strange lights shining into the house, and short encounters with shadowy figures leave this couple terrified for their life. Will they survive?
This film really makes use of shadows and natural sound which amplifies the creepiness of it. In the beginning it mentions that it is based on a true story, which parts are true and which are fabricated I'm not sure, but the added element of it being based on something that actually happened definitely made me appreciate the film more.
Just recently "Friday the 13th: The Series" released on DVD and it got me thinking. I love horror movies as much as the next person, but horror TV shows are an even better because it's a constantly weekly installment with an ever changing plot. However many of these have taken a turn for the worse, and really sucked up many hours of my time. I could spend many long winded paragraphs explaining what I like and dislike in a horror show, but I say we jump right into it and start with the worst of them.
Friday the 13th: The Series:
The basic premise of this series is that Lewis, an antiques store owner, makes a deal with the devil that requires him to sell cursed items. Lewis breaks this pact and dies from it. Now Ryan and Micki, Lewis' niece and nephew, have inherited the antiques store and, along with one of Lewis' friends Jack, they have to retrieve all the goods that were sold.
Why is this show bad?
Well for starters it's called "Friday the 13th: The Series", so you would assume that they would associate Jason with this in some way/shape/or form. Not only does this show have nothing to do with Jason Vorhees, it also has nothing to do with Friday the 13th. The items don't disappear on this date, in fact, they only briefly mention the date in one episode. There isn't an episode even set on the date!
Every episode focuses on the three characters finding out about a new missing item and them trying to find the item to lock up in the vault in the basement. With episodes like Cupid's Quiver, or Bedazzled you would think the show would be a hit right? Well, it did go on for 3 seasons.
Kindred: The Embraced
This was a soap opera on Fox back in the mid-90s, which was loosely based on the Vampire the Masquerade. This series only ran for 8 episodes, granted they were in talks for a second season, but pulled the plug when one of their main actors died.
This show focuses on San Fransisco cop Frank Kohanek (C. Thomas Howell) and his quest to find alleged mobster Jullian Luna. Jullian is actually the Kindred prince and very involved with the masquerade, a group of vampires that tries to keep the vampire legend just that.
Freddy's Nightmares:
At least this television spinoff still had something to do with the character that made the film series famous. That's right Freddy is back, and he's moved off of Elm Street and now invades the nightmares of Springwood Ohio kids. Well, he doesn't even really invade their nightmares, more like he introduces them.
Each episode was two fold, the first segment would tell one story, then the second segment would take a minor character from the first and revolve it around them. Freddy would pop in from time to time, mostly in little breaks between segments and offer a little quip with a morbid twist.
Kolchak The Night Stalker:
If you're thinking "Murder She Wrote" with the dad from "A Christmas Story" you'd be right. That comparasin is probably the best thing about this show, that and the fact that this was one of the inspirations for "The X-Files".
The series focused on Carl Kochak, a newspaper reporter who investigated mysterious crimes that the proper authorities wouldn't look into. That's pretty much it. Unbelievably, this show actually got re-made in 2005 starring Stuart Townsend as Carl Kolchak. It was cancelled after six episodes.
Millenium:
Produced by Chris Carter (creator of "The X-Files"), this show focused on FBI investigator Frank Black, and was set in the years leading up to the new millenium (1996-1999). Now Frank had himself a special gift...he could see through the eyes of serial killers. Therefore it is only appropriate that he dealt with the nastiest crimes and dealt with all the millenium rumors.
I think the best part about this show is that Terry O' Quinn is in it.
Wolf Lake:
This series focused on a pack of werewolves living in Seattle. I think I've said enough...it was cancelled after nine episodes.
Forever Knight:
This show follows Nick Knight, an 800 year old vampire working in modern day Toronto. He is seeking to repay society for his sins. If this doesn't scream Angel I don't know what does.
Not to be confused with Elisha Cuthbert's "The Girl Next Door", Jack Ketchum's tale is probably one of the most raw, dirty, gut churning tales I have seen in a long time. I actually found myself wanting to stop the movie every five minutes, it was that hard to watch.
This film is set in the 1950's in suburbia. Davy is a young kid brought up in the typical "Leave it to Beaver" household. He meets Meg the gorgeous cousin of his neighbors while out craw fishing in a creek near his house, and there is an instant connection.
Meg and her sister were involved in a car crash that killed their parents. Her aunt and their three cousins were gracious enough to take them in. The sisters were sorely disappointed to find out that their cousins were among the ranks of what you would call hillbillies. Meg's aunt is not what you would call the greatest mother either. She feeds the neighborhood kids beer and talks to them about things like the "hoochie coochie" show she used to watch at the carnivals she went to as a little girl.
As the film progresses Meg confesses to Davy that her aunt isn't letting her eat because she thinks she is fat. Then, on one of Davy's many visits to their house she accuses Meg of being a town whore.
All the boys in town are attracted to Meg, even her cousins, and they invent a "game" to try and make her confess whatever secrets that she has. Meg's aunt likes the idea of this "game" and allows the boys to proceed.
The "game" is in fact not a game at all. They string up Meg down in the basement and hoist her arms above her head with ropes and gag her.
I wont go on because this film proceeds to get more and more disturbing as time passes. You'll just have to watch and see what happens.
Though this film touches on some very disturbing subjects it has the underlying themes of family secrets, and the helplessness of children, and how parents can shut down to the truth their children tell them and ignore the possiblity they are right.
If you can make it through this film you will be so glad that you did. This is one film that hit me hard like "Requiem for a Dream". This is a true horror film.
I walked the aisles of Walgreen's looking for something that would dull the aching throb in my sweet tooth I was surrounded by bags of brightly packaged candy wrappers. They were all the same though, giant econo-sized bags of Reece's or Snickers. I'm so tired of the same old thing. Don't get me wrong, you put a Reece's peanut butter cup in front of my face I'll forget my name, however that isn't what I was in the mood for this candy shopping spree. I wanted something sweet and sugary, and of course I wanted it to have novelty value to it.
I was not disappointed my friends, no no. Near the end of the candy aisle, way up on the top shelf were two single, slender black boxes sitting next to one another. One contained Ghoulish Gummy Hearts...
and the other Ghoulish Gummy Skulls....
At about 2 bucks a pop these macabre shaped candies are a bit pricey and not worth it. When I got home I tore into the Ghoulish Skull. It felt slimy, and my thumbprints were absorbed into the thick of it like a memory foam mattress. As I bit into it I felt my teeth scream for help as incredible amounts of sugar pounded the enamel of my teeth.
The skull had the consistency of Play-dough and tasted like cherry flavored Chapstick. My taste buds died a little with each bite of the skull I took. I managed to stomach the entire skull down, but would not recommend eating another, or a first, to anyone.
Now the heart was a similar story, only this had the added flavor of a hard, crunchy, black heart vein. Not good!
These candies were excellently molded to catch my eye, but I think that from now on I'll stick to the Kit-Kats and Almond Joy's of the world.
The latest edition of ghost story from the Pang brothers. You may (or may not) know them as the guys that directed "The Eye". NO, not the crappy Jessica Alba re-make, the original, terrifying film. Re-Cycle definitely holds up to the Pang brother's reputation.
This film follows successful novelist Ting-Yin who, after having done incredibly well with her last three love novels is now experiencing a case of writer's block. She wishes to write a horror novel, that's when odd things begin to happen. She finds long strands of hair that are not hers (very common in Asian horror. I don't know what it is about hair that freaks them out so much), she receives odd phone calls where the other line is filled with static and weird noises. As the odd experiences keep occurring she wishes that she had never said that she wished for a supernatural experience.
One day after leaving her apartment she steps foot onto a street that she has never been to in her entire life. The buildings are decayed and defunct and at the end of the street there is a giant drop off to nowhere. She finds out that she is in fact in another dimension where all things that are forgotten survive...including the dead.
This film offers amazing visual effects, and a very creepy look at where we will be should we not take action to remedy the problems of today.
Odd things in the film that I think are pretty kick ass...
Hanging zombies:
Giant foetus monster:
Library of forgotten books:
Land where the grass has no roots:
Some creepy lady and her army of the dead:
And of course her messed up face:
This movie is so amazing. I highly recommend you all watch this...yes, it is in Mandarin.
This is a question that has really been stuck in my head for quite a while now, and it only seems appropriate that I rant about it in October. I mean why don't these iconic horror villains like Jason or Freddy grow some facial hair? Usually the beard gives off the idea that the person with the beard is hiding something, not something under his beard, but hiding in the sense that he is a secretive person.
Lets first look at Jason. First of all, right off the bat we know he is hiding something. I mean he wears an effin mask. Now, is he hiding the fact that he looks like Sloth from The Goonies? I'm not sure about that, but regardless I think that a full beard would look great on him. I think that he could take off that mask (which I'm sure smells like crap since he's died in it like 5 times) and maybe even attract a lady. Don't go thinking that that idea is too far fetched...I mean Rocky (from Mask) got a girlfriend, granted she was blind, but he still got one! Also, keeping that clean smooth baby face has got to be hell. I mean he can't just walk into Osco and buy some Gillette Mach 3 Turbo razors. He probably has to scrape that machette across his face, leaving his face riddled with cuts from that. Should anything happen where the cops get on his trail (like always) then he could go and shave that sucker off and no one's the wiser. He could get away scott free...until those meddling kids and their dog come and hunt him down...again.
Now Freddy, he is not hiding anything. But he could really stand to change with the times. Sure he can change when it comes to setting up crazy dream sequences (Nightmare on Elm Street 3: The Dream Warriors) why can't he change his look. I say he should take after Howie Mandell. Freddy is funny, cracks a joke here and there, I think a nice hoop earring and a little soul patch would "hip" him up a little bit. Plus the resemblance to Howie would make for a double scare.
Michael Meyers is a different case completely. He is always wearing that William Shattner mask. I think he is already sprouting the Aragorn look...so he's good in my book. He doesn't even really need the facial hair too much, he isn't deformed or anything so he could totally pass as a normal guy, until he killed everyone he was hanging out with...but again that problem could be solved with a quick few swipes of the razor and getting rid of that stubble.
Such a simple solution rather than wearing those costly masks or going in for facial reconstruction surgery.
This was my first experience with horror films as a kid.
This is the best/worst/best again horror film from the 80s. Not only does this have a young Stephen Dorff, but it also has...
1. A troubled, nerdy, metal-head kid that owns a rainbow blanket and listens to metal in his basement-bedroom. 2. An eye in the palm of a hand. 3. Demons that look like turds. 4. A giant bottle rocket that destroys said demons 5. A carpenter trapped in the walls of the house he died building.
When I was growing up and Halloween came around, I actually had to plan a costume. Now as I walk around stores I find aisles of pre-made costumes for all kids to enjoy. It makes me wonder just how many Hannah Montanas I will actually see this year.
I never had the luxury of being able to go to the store and pick out a pre-made Spidey costume. No, I would end up going to the fabric store with my mom and she would buy a kit. Now let me explain these kits to you. They came in paper envelopes that looked like the envelopes photos came in. Inside were pieces of paper with the measurements for the cutting of the fabric.
There were never any name brand kits either. You could never say, let me have the Captain Hook kit. No, if you asked for that they would give you Pirate-Male or Pirate-Female. Looking back on my costumes I wore here were just a few...
Pirate- Male Ninja- Male Scarecrow- Male Clown- Male Spider-Man- Male
One year I got creative, I wanted to change, I didn't want a costume made from a kit. So I got to work. My childhood imagination leapt from idea to idea, synapsis I didn't even know that I had were firing, it was in these moments I was a costume god. Then, after that euphoric 30 seconds, I came up with the best idea that I had ever had for a costume. It was the most original idea on the block.
I rushed down the stairs shouting for my mom and dad, they rushed out of the kitchen thinking something terrible had happened. They were greeted with my giant toothy grin, "I wanna be Steve Urkel", was all that needed to be said.
The plans were set in motion, I bought a pair of stretchy suspenders, a yellow and blue striped shirt, doned my finest blue-jeans and rolled up the cuffs. The turtle-shell glasses and glasses strap were the finishing touch. But wait there was something missing. My parents couldn't tell, they thought I was the spitting image. Ah, but I knew what that something was, I'm a white kid, Steve is black.
Did you figure it out yet?
Thats right, I painted my face black. I went Trick or Treating in blackface.
Now remember the blackface had nothing to do with race...it had to do with accuracy. Steve was black, how could I not paint myself.
Long story short, I didn't get much candy that year.
But I look at kids costumes now and I see no creativity in them, they are all store bought, cookie cutter costumes that I will see 1000 times that night. Where are the kids with the stones to go in blackface? Where are the kids that want to be so creative that they will make a costume that nobody else has? I'm gunuh be 25 in November and I still make my own costumes. That will be something that will never change.
To all who have kids, if they do want to go as Hannah Montana, make that damn costume, I guarantee the crappiest version you make, will be 10 times better than the store bought.
I'm sure that many of you are thinking, "Why is he putting the third Jason film up before any others?" Well there is a simple answer to this question, this is the Friday film where Jason gets his mask.
Now, I did have the pleasure of seeing this film in theaters in 3-D during a film revival while in high school. This film's 3-D has got to be some of the worst. Though the DVD is not 3-D you can tell where there are 3-D parts.
Where they pass the doobie...
The town crazy...
And where something flies by the camera...
These reasons don't justify my complete love for this movie. There is also the incredibly bad dialogue, the gratuitous nudity, and my favorite part...the fact that Jason steals the mask from a fat nerdy kid. That's right everyone Jason got his trademarked mask from a nerd. Suck on it!
When I was a kid my parents always made me eat the "healthy" cereal. You know the crap, honey nut Cheerios, Wheaties, and of course the dreaded Mini-Wheats. The only chance I ever had to really fully indulge in the gloriousness of heavy sugar cereals was at my friend's houses.
Now that I'm older, my tatste for cereal has faded and I prefer a more filling breakfast. Now that it is October I only want to eat things that are Halloween related all day. As I browsed the asisle of the local grocery store looking intently for anything remotly resembling a Jack-O-Lantern or witches broom in any fashion I thought back to my sugarless childhood and remembered my favorite cerals I could never have as a kid. Thats right my thoughts fell upon Frankenberry, Count Chocula, and Boo Berry.
My hopes were up, as I half skipped down the cereal aisle. To my dismay these delicious sugary cereals were nowhere to be seen. Could it be that my sugary friends have been discontinued? This was something I would not accept. I pulled out boxes of "normal" cereal looking for the good stuff. "Maybe they're hiding in a trap door like in Chocula's castle," I thought to myself as I pulled apart the shelves.
A stern cough interrputed my search and I turned to face the store employee, a confused look on her face. "Where is Count Chocula?" I asked. She stared back at me confused. "What?" she asked with a bit of attitude. I couldn't believe it, she had no idea who Count Chocula was. I hung my head in defeat and said, "I'll clean this up."
As I left the store with a ratty box of Cocoa Pebbles I knew it would never be the same. What has happened to the amazing things we had as children come Halloween time?
Noted as the goriest film of all time, Peter Jackson really knows how to make even the toughest of the horror buffs cringe.
The Sumatran rat monkey is one of the newest displays in a New Zeland zoo. Lionel, the son of an overbearing mother, sneaks out of the house to meet his date, Paquita at the zoo. After strolling around Lionel sees that his mother has tracked them down to the zoo and begins scolding him immediatly, not knowing she had stepped within reach of the Sumatran rat monkey.
The monkey bites her and she slowly starts to become a zombie. Lionel, being the good son that he is, makes every attempt to cover up his mother's condition. This only leads to catastrophy and the addition of several other zombies including a nurse and a priest.
Durring dinner one night the priest zombie and the nurse zombie get a little funky and make a baby. Yes, a baby zombie.
From here, hilarity ensues, until Lionel's greedy uncle stops by threatening to take the house from him. That night Lionel's uncle throws quite a schindig where zombies run amok and Lionel is the one that needs to step up and save the day. Will he be able to stop the zombies and save his love Paquita?
Well it's October, one of my favorite months of the year. Mostly because this is the one month where I am praised for my fondness for horror films, not looked down upon. So we are going to have some fun this October. I know it has been a long time since I have posted last. Things have been very hectic with my schedule, but I will make time this month. Everyday I will post a movie review for one of my favorite horror films, and I expect you all to watch them. Also, I am going to post a poll that will allow you to pick what I should be for Halloween this year. Also, as I wander through stores looking for delicious fattening candy I will post what I think are some of the best and worst candies out there.
So with that being said sit back and enjoy October.
