My Name Is Andrew, And I Like To Dance!

Lingo Episode 1

Doug and I taped the first episode of Lingo last night and we are working on getting it posted to the Lingo blog today.

Commercials I Hate

Everybody watches TV, that's science...but how many people voice their opinion about the commercials we watch? Now I think the person who invented the Tivo said everything that he wanted with that machine, "Fuck commercials".

However I am a man without a Tivo, so I must rant and you must listen now.

My first group of commercials I hate is Yoplait commercials:

What makes me so aggrivated with these commercials is the fact that they DON'T MENTION THAT THEY ARE EATING YOGURT! Maybe I'm a bit too emotional about this, but I find that not only is that poor advertising, it's annoying as hell. I'm sure Yoplait thought that they were being "clever" and "cute" when they came up with these ads but let me tell Yoplait...you suck! I love their yogurt, but I want to buy it less and less every time I see one of these two commercials.

The Fridge atrocity:


Ok two things about this commercial...
1. This woman needs to explain that she is eating flavored yogurt.
2. This is the point that makes me mad, when the wife looks back at her curious husband and says "Babe, what are you doing?". Okay, see above point on why the man is confused. Also, why is she being so condescending to him? I'm sure to most it looks like the woman is curious into her husband's actions, but I think that she has been plotting this conversation waiting for the right moment to make him look like a jerk. I bet there really isnt' anyone on the phone.

The Seamstress From Hell:


Eh, so much about this commercial makes me want to go postal on Yoplait. Lets break it down again shall we...

1.Ok first of all she looks like she is at a dry cleaners. Just because you have a measuring tape around your neck does not mean that you are a seamstress.
2.She just goes on a rant about the shit shes been stuffing in her mouth, NO YOGURT MENTIONED!
3.They get into an argument about if the clothes need to be let out or taken in. An argument which could have been avoided had she mentioned her recent yogurt binge.
4.The woman attempts to explain that she needs her clothes taken in by telling the woman that she walked into her "alteration shop". I can walk into a store, but that doesn't explain to someone with no shoes how I put mine on in the morning.

The next company on my chopping block for stupid commercials is Taco Bell. I love Taco Bell, but I feel that they have been waging war against me. They took the cheesy gordita crunch off the menu, that's tacosphamy (that is the word taco and blasphamy together). Then they aired this commercial.

I would never date this woman:


1.If that redhead really wants to get a date she should not be hanging out with the WAY hotter blond girl.
2.If the redhead thinks that a man will smell a bacon taco in a dance club filled with sweaty people, vomit, and booze, then shes aiming for a guy that is minimum of 500 pounds.
3.The blond is way hotter.

Now this next Taco Bell commercial is on every 30 seconds and I wish that I could punch these people in the face.

Rap Music Sucks:


1.Why is the driver wearing sunglasses at night?
2.Why is the second person rapping from the backseat? You can hear 2 people fine from the front.
3.How did he know the employee was named Stephanie?
4.Didn't the kid beat boxing in the backseat play a nerd in an episode of Are You Afraid Of The Dark?
5.They want to eat something big, with a bunch of beef. That sounds like it should be in a gay porn.
6.THE TACO IS 89 CENTS AND HE IS MAD THAT HE HAS TO SPEND 89 CENTS MORE ON HIS FRIEND...WHAT AN ASS!
7.Then at the end they act like they have never been in a drive thru situation before. He asks if he needs to pull around and his loser backseat buddy yells at him. They shouldn't pull around because there are two scenarios that can happen now...
Scenario 1- The employee "Stephanie" probably didn't understand what they wanted to eat, and then they will have to pull around and order again.
Scenario 2- "Stephanie" shoots them for rapping into her speaker.

I like scenario 2.

KFC Snacker:


1.I feel like I've seen that girl actress in something before.
2.If that dude took a dollar out of my couch and didn't tell me until he was eating the sandwich that he bought with my money, I would punch him in the face.
3.Did you see how obvious they were being with the dollar in the letter. That isn't subliminal advertising its just bad.

So keep your eyes out for any annoying commercials that you hate and let me know if there are any I should comment on next.

Lingo

It's been a busy week so far, between writing, getting everything ready for the premiere of my podcast Lingo, and looking for jobs, my time is short for anything else.

This post is primarily just to let everyone know about Lingo: a geekly podcast.

My co-host, Doug, and I have spent almost two weeks compiling information for the show and working out a nice seamless flow. New eps will be available every Friday, and you can link to the RSS feed through: lingopodcast.blogspot.com

Be sure to check it out, we will cover some great topics....comics, film, and technology to name a few. Plus it's a good way for all of you readers to hear my pretty voice...wink!

So tonight Doug and I are working out the kinks with the first ep and will be playing with some content ideas, then tomorrow night we record!

So, long story just a little bit longer, check out the Lingo site weekly and I will try and keep you posted on the goings on with new eps!

Why I don't ever eat McDonalds

If this doesn't give you nightmares you must fear nothing.

Goodbye Sydney

A great director. A sad loss for the film world.

Quite A Spectacle

The greatest spectacle in sports racing, the Indy 500, is a very cool experience. I've been going every year now for 13 years or so and I appreciate it more and more every year. However this year I noticed some things.

First off, if you don't wear sunscreen and you drink lots of beer, you will be burnt to a crisp. Sadly I am more red than a ripe tomato right now, and I hate the feeling of sunburn.

Second, someone will fall down the stairs and start a fight, and it will be glorious.

Third, you will see at least 2 sets of boobs that not even the most desperate man would want to see.

Fourth, nobody goes for the cars, they go for the crash.

Five, it is a very patriotic event. I think I removed and replaced my hat five or six times before the race even started. Which is fine, honor our country and everything, but I have a little I want to say about that.

Before the race starts they recognize several high ranking army officials, sang all our anthems and themes, and have a prayer said for the racers. After all is said and done, and the racers are getting ready to take their pace laps, F16s or Stealth bombers fly overhead. Which is really amazing for several reasons. I sit right in turn 4, and that is where the fly over starts, and I will probably not get a chance to see these machines that close up again.

However, this is where I will stray a bit from my point. Since today is Memorial Day, and I have someone that I need to remember today I will post just a little bit about a skewed image of patriotism. Now, before all you hardcore, red, white, and blue bleeding patriots grab your guns and come hunt me down let me explain something. This is just an observation, no need to get upset, I feel very privileged and honored to live in this country.

That being said, I want to voice this observation I made over yesterday's race. We're a scary country. When the F16s flew overhead yesterday I felt a sense of pride, however I also thought about how this looks to someone from another country. Say you are from a country that doesn't know our patriotic ways, and your first event is the Indy 500. When you sit and watch the entire stand of people cheer as this giant death bird flies overhead what do you think is running through that person's mind?

I would imagine that they would see us as some insane war bent country that worships death. Then if that person looked up our history and read about some of the wars we've been in, especially the most recent, they would have a very skewed image about America.

To us, those F16s symbolize our freedom, our democracy, what makes us an amazing country. I can see why some countries fear us, or why people seem to have a bad image of us from their perspective.

I'm not saying that we should change the way that we honor our fallen, or even cheer for what we have fought to earn, I'm just saying that we should step outside ourselves for a bit and try to see us from another perspective. I hope that everyone has an excellent Memorial Day!

I will leave you today with one of my favorite short films...George Lucas In Love.

It's Not Our Fault

Newsflash: We're in a recession. Don't listen to your local congressman, because we all know that the government lies, especially when it comes to economic situations (and aliens).

Wait, hang on a moment, let me get up here on this soap box.

Okay, back to business. Living in Michigan is quite possibly one of the most depressing things you can do right now. It has one of the highest murder rates, everyone scowls at you if you drive anything other than an 'American made' car, and the employment is probably the worst in the nation right now.

Now, I could begin my 'Bush bashing' and cite sources for you claiming that I knew all the answers on how to fix things, but I don't. That's why I'm not going to do that, because I am one of the many that has been and is being affected by the economy. This is a message to all of those who are in my shoes, I just wanted to let them know, it's not our fault.

It's not our fault that major 'American' companies have decided to outsource all of our work overseas. We are expensive and greedy, and sadly, a large majority of those people need those high wages so that they can buy fast food, but that rant is for another day.

It's not our fault that companies expect college to do all of their job training for them.

It is not our fault that these things have happened to the economy and that we are really suffering from it.

But you can't give up.

After working my shitty job at a video store, and then working for a short time as an IT consultant, I've found my passion in life. I've found that one thing that I love to do, that I can do anywhere, anytime. I've found something that I can do that will keep my spirits high and my mind busy. I urge everyone to find the same.

Sure, after a few months more on the job market things are looking rather hopeless in the 'career' field, but what I've found to do can be turned into a career if it's good enough. I've chosen writing as my career. Not writing on this blog, though I enjoy this as well, but writing novels/screenplays/articles. I will have to get a crummy job to keep my afloat for the time being, but its okay that I have to do that when everyone else I know has a 'career' job, because its not my fault.

So, to all those unemployed currently, or to those who are just now leaving college to enter into this mess of an economy...find your passion in life and pursue it, but know that if things don't work out currently...it's not your fault.

B-rate celebrities can be real jerks!

Over the past weekend I attended the Motor City Comic Convention. This is a place where I feel like the most normal person on the planet. If you have never attended any sort of convention let me explain the science of it.

The magic all happens in a room, around the size of a football field (give or take), where B-rate celebrities, comic book writers/artists/publishers, and the occasional porn star await your comments. There are also tons of stands riddled with comic book/sci-fi trinkets all of which can be yours in exchange for, sometimes, hefty amounts of cash.

There was an excellent line up of celebs that had all the Star Trek and Star Wars fans about wetting their pants upon arrival (myself included). I am a huge fan of walking around, soaking up the atmosphere, and after I've geeked out and calmed down I meet and greet with the celebs. I spoke with Mr. Tom Sullivan himself. For all of you not up to code on awesomeness in the horror world, Tom Sullivan designed the Book of the Dead for the "Evil Dead" series and did all the art inside. Tom was the nicest guy I've ever met (even cooler than Sid Haig). He spoke with my friends and I for about a half hour telling us on set stories and cracking jokes with us. Not only did he sign my Book of the Dead edition dvd, but he also signed and 8x10 picture of one of the pages.

Next on my stop of people to meet was another very famous make-up/fx artist. I won't give his name, but I will do my best to drop hints at who he was. His stand was riddled with posters of the work that he had done (one of these posters was advertising his make-up school). He was very pompous and acted like it was a burden that people were speaking to him.

A side note, all of these celebrities are paid to attend this convention, they don't do it out of the goodness of their heart.

That being said I shook his hand and said his name in amazement. He never made eye contact with me and replied "That's my name." Then I asked him if he was doing any work currently, he replied with a simple "Lost Boys 2...that's it."

I was starting to get the feeling of the smelly kid in class, you know what I mean, everybody knows he smells but they don't say anything to him, they just wrinkle their noses and hope he gets the picture.

I pulled out my "Ultimate Edition" dvd of one of his most notorious works and asked him to sign it. With sharpie in one hand and dvd in the other he casually pointed to a handmade paper sign on his table that read...I will sign all personal items for free, with purchase of an item from my table.

WHAT! Let me tell you something, THAT'S NOT FREE! This is why I added my sidebar earlier, everything that they sell goes right in their pocket, and when they force you to purchase something to get a signature I see that as plain wrong.

My best friend reminded me of a documentary that Bruce Campbell did called "Fandom". He mentions how fans, or the more extreme fanatic, are very touchy. If the celebrity we meet is nice to us, we will be fans of theirs until the day that we die, if they are dicks, we take it very personally.

That being said, I am severely boycotting this celebs work from now on, I don't care how good it is.

My next celeb encounter is very similar to the last, but this time I knew when to shower. This bodybuilder turned actor, probably had a hard time hearing me, but either way... You would think that a bodybuilder would have a strong handshake for starters, I'm a wimp and I feel like a crush people's hands when I shake them. I was fearing I would break this bodybuilder's giant hand when I shook it his handshake was so weak. As I spoke to him and asked him questions he looked around the room, uninterested in what I have to say, and was charging 30 dollars a photograph. I'm not talking about a signed photograph, I'm talking about a impromptu photo with yours truly take by my friend with their camera. I walked away from his table only after a few moments, knowing my efforts to speak with him were in vein.

So to all celebs that attend conventions. If your fans are a burden to you, or you feel you need to charge outrageous prices for things that are trivial to people i.e. 8x10 photos of yourself, or your name...don't attend the convention. you are only hurting your own career when you leave a fan high and dry.

Could you guess the mean celebs?

Otherwise it was an excellent convention, mostly because I got to hang out with my two best friends and be big nerds.